Practical Prayer part 1

want you to consider something in regards to prayer. In the morning when you first wake up and after taking some stock in your immediate surroundings (making coffee), this is when the enemy and the flesh tend to take advantage of you.

I’ve found that it happens as either a sudden thought in regards to people or a person or an event or circumstance. Attendant to this thought is an emotion or feeling or impression inside of you, either for good or ill.

This sets the tone then of your day. I’ve struggled for years under this, thinking somehow that I could attribute these feelings or impressions to something spiritual. This is basing your faith on subjective emotions.

Take your cue from the Lord’s Prayer which is the pattern Christ himself gave us; the first order of business is, “Our Father”.

In the mornings after getting up, I remember to first of all just simply say ‘good morning’ to God. I make him the subject of my first sentence of the day. Then after taking stock of my surroundings (making coffee), I begin to meditate and confess the nature of our relationship, how he has placed himself in the position of being the one responsible for taking care of me. That he is my Father and has set his will to hear me. That he desires to be my sole source and the supplier of every good thing in my life. I confess and meditate on how he sees in secret and will reward openly, how he knows what I have need of before I ask him, how he wants my joy to be full and how he takes care of my life by looking at a much larger picture than I ever could with my petty perspective and subsequent anxiety.

Faith is not based on emotions or presumptions or impressions or checks in your “spirit”. Faith is based on the love, character, ability and word of God.


Satan’s Cure for Revival: The Sowing of Leaven

Revivals are one of the rarest occurrences in Christianity and for this reason they are also one of the most desired experiences in Christianity. Like the illusion of the rarity of diamonds that causes their prices to remain very high, those things that are rare are the things that we deem as the most valuable. I suspect that it has always been so.

We understand why we think that diamonds or precious stones are very rare but why is revival so rare? Does God simply not desire to show himself in our day? Is he content with all of the charlatans in the pulpits and the sins of society? Is he perhaps so repulsed by all of us that he just would rather keep His distance?

Find yourself in any given Churchian circle and you may find the commonly held belief that there is no revival because we don’t ______ enough. Now, I will leave the blank for you to fill in because it all depends on your little group. Some commonly held entries would be: pray, repent, give, care, travail, laugh, read, etc.

Now there may be some truth to all of these sentiments. Who can argue that not _____ing is a bad thing and certainly not conducive to having a revival? But let me break from the herd here a bit and share what I believe the real problem is. I believe that the reason that they are so rare is mainly due to two reasons: firstly, we are in large part almost totally ignorant of God’s ways and secondly, we are ignorant of the satanic attacks that come as a result of seeking revival. In short, many in the church exhibit on a regular basis the simple inability to understand their own moments of divine opportunity or the satanic resistance to them.

I have watched God move many times over the years and those are the times that I live for. It seems that it is only in that ‘pocket’ that everything lines up for me. I have watched God show up on a Sunday morning in a United Methodist church and the entire congregation got saved with many getting baptized in the Holy Ghost for the first time, demons were cast out there and the Spirit of God forever changed the course of the lives of the people in that small church.

I have watched revival hit a small town in Nebraska with the numbers present at the meetings growing every single night. Tattoo parlors closed down to attend the meetings and the altar was constantly full. All advertising was done by the young people that attended those meetings; they made their own flyers and held placards on the streets. At the end, it was told to me that an entire year of the local bible college was filled with the people that were saved during this revival.

But more often than the times that I have watched great success, I have watched the church’s miserable failure to accurately discern the days that they live in. The Jews were accused of not recognizing the time of their own visitation and I can count off scores of churches who fit into that category. I would tell those in authority that I felt strongly that God wanted to move there and they would smile at me the way that you smile at a 2nd grader telling you what he learned in school that day. And there never has been a move in those places, they are exactly the same or worse off than they have ever been. We have no greater obligation to those who follow us in ministry than to be able to sense when the cloud moves and to follow it no matter the cost and it is right there that I feel most of us miss God when it comes to revival.

Then there are those instances when the church bows to satanic pressure and the assault of the enemy. Now, I believe that these attacks that we have seen hit the church when it has set revival as its goal can be understood as the enemy’s modi operandi, his modes of operation. He does not change them up very often so far as I can tell but why would he when they work so very well for the most part? I have watched many churches and groups torn apart after they started seeking revival simply because they did not know how the enemy was going to attack or because they chose to ignore the fact that he really does attack and attributed the work of satan to the hand of God instead.

Most believers think that they understand what a satanic attack is. We proudly regale one another with tales of our warfare, how the enemy is “after” us or how he has been doing this thing or that to us. I have learned through experience though that most of us have no clue what a real attack looks like, especially one aimed at a church that is seeking revival.

Would it sound far-fetched to you if I were to suggest that there are a few words that the enemy simply loathes? That as soon as those words are uttered across a pulpit, demons scurry to their superiors to inform them? Like the NSA watching emails for certain “buzz words” so too the enemy’s servants are constantly listening for those words that could actually hurt their master’s kingdoms. I imagine that so long as your church does not utter these words in an offensive fashion, you would see no attacks whatsoever. Some call this happy state “favor”; I call it base compromise and a sure sign that you are fulfilling the requirement for being a false prophet and damning those that follow you in the bargain.

Wondering what these words could be? If you want to know, simply look at what has grown to be out of fashion in the American church system and you will quickly begin to deduce them. The Blood, The Cross, Pentecostal, missions, martyrdom, prayer and perhaps the most offensive word to satan and his angels: revival.

I believe that it is important to learn from the defeats of ourselves and others because in understanding how he stops a revival we can understand how to thwart his plans in theory. I say in theory because some people become so determined at these times to agree with satan that no one will ever talk them out of it.

But for the rest of us, there are lessons to be learned and applied as we enter this season in the church. This is the time preceding the greatest harvest the world has ever seen and we must not be unaware of the enemy’s schemes. Many will hear the warning and go on to commit the error laid out, I can not stress this enough. Even if you perfectly lay out the upcoming attack to those around you, the delusion that falls on people is so strong that they will continue in it, justifying themselves as they go.

When seeking God for a revival, the very first attack that comes in is offense that leads to leaven.

Now, that offense may come against any number of things; the church as a whole, the vision of the church, other members of the church, the doctrine of the preachers, all of these are valid targets for this offense. The number one target however is the preacher. Matthew 26:31 says “Then saith Jesus unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad.”

In standing for a revival, the enemy’s number one target is the preacher. Anything is good cause for this offense; his past mistakes, wrongs that he committed, something he said from the pulpit, anything. This is the single best tactic for the enemy to use and the one that he uses more often than any other. He begins to “reveal” problems with the preacher in question, showing you how he is in the wrong. After you see the problem, he begins to show you additional proof until you are totally convinced that there is a serious problem with the man or his message.

In no time you will begin to get “led” to start sharing this information with other members of the congregation, all in order to protect them of course. Soon, you are talking bad about the preacher every single day to as wide of a range of people as you can within the ministry. This culminates until one day you decide that you have had enough and leave the ministry but not without making sure that as many others go with you as possible.

Now this church may have been a place that only a few days or weeks ago you loved. You saw the power of God show up regularly, you loved the preaching or teaching. You were deeply involved in the ministry there and saw the hand of God moving all around you. That is until they started talking about revival. Strangely, that was when you began to see all of these “wrong things” that were being done to you and others. Soon you find yourself getting hit with negative thoughts about the ministry or the preacher day and night until finally you begin to listen. And in no time the very place where you saw God move and felt his hand at work is no longer a part of your life and you and those that you poisoned are left scattered.

This principle is one that the enemy uses constantly and it is called leaven. Leaven as you know is yeast. It is odorless, colorless and tasteless. On its own it can not affect anything but the second that it is introduced into dough, the leaven begins its work. It sets off spreading through that dough, changing it at a molecular level until the last state of the dough is not even recognizable from what it was at the start.

In the church, leaven is introduced into only one person initially. They begin to meditate on a perceived wrong or a fault until their entire disposition towards the person who is the true object of the leaven has changed. After they are fully convinced of the person’s alleged faults, the real purpose of the leaven is revealed as it begins to spread. Because they then begin to confide in others about their struggles and infecting them with the leaven that is killing them. Except of course they manage to leave out key aspects of the true circumstances and communicate their leaven only in such a way as to put their perception under the very best light to back up their claims. This is manipulation and witchcraft that has the sole purpose of destroying a work of God.

The leaven, if unchecked, spreads from one person to another until the whole is leavened and changed. This was the point of satan’s sowing into you the initial offense. It was never about whether or not you were wronged, it was about destroying the work. Most who spread leaven could have had their grievances answered easily but instead opt to sow rebellion and division rather than make amends.

In fact, many people who get leavened live to see their actions as being the biggest mistakes of their life. This is because shortly after the leaven has run its course they begin to see how out of character they were while they were under its influence. They were used by satan under the banner of self-righteousness to destroy something that they had very recently loved. The truly sad thing for these people is that the delusion is never lifted until the damage is done.

What is the solution for leaven? When yeast is introduced into a batch of dough there is only one remedy to stop its spread, common table salt. You must take your stand, hold the line and refuse to make yourself accessible to the enemy. The word says, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. Proverbs 26:20”.Leaven is stopped by refusing to be a talebearer. If you are so convinced of the wrong that you must leave a work, then leave with peace. Bring it up to the leadership and communicate what you are struggling with and give them the opportunity to either answer the question or release you. It is never your job to destroy a ministry or to pull people out from a church.

However since most of those who get leavened also manage to contract a lethal dose of self-righteousness; you will never be able to convince them to leave peacefully. They will fulfill the lusts of their father, sowing division, strife, tale bearing and slander until they have destroyed everything that they once loved and cut themselves off from the body.

You can tell when someone is under the effects of leaven because they seek to keep it hidden from the one that the leaven is meant to destroy. They will talk to others but not the leader about what is troubling them. This is because they know in their spirit that they are acting under a satanic delusion and yet they can not break free from it on their own. They have opened themselves up to seducing spirits and the lies of satan and those spirits are afraid of bringing it into the light for fear of exposure.

The effects of leaven in the body of Christ can be seen acting much like the spread of cancer in the human body. Normally the cells in the human body work together, dividing and reproducing in a strictly controlled and coordinated fashion. This collaboration keeps each tissue at the size, shape and architecture appropriate to the needs of the body.

Cancer cells violate this collaborative ethos, becoming ‘rogue traders’ that pursue their own agendas for proliferation. Such uncontrolled reproduction leads to the formation of a tumor, which is not necessarily dangerous to the body. But if the tumor becomes more advanced, acquiring nutrients by plumbing into the body’s blood supply and then developing the ability to invade other tissues or colonize other parts of the body, the cancer becomes very hard to stop. These events – the transition from a normal cell to a malignant cancer – are driven by changes to the cell’s DNA.

The lesson is easily seen here: when those who are leavened begin to seek their own agenda in the body, they begin reproducing (leavening) themselves into nearby cells. This leads to the formation of a tumor, a group sharing the exact same leavened DNA and this tumor of people ultimately become cancerous, destroying the local body. Be warned, those who destroy the body can count on one thing- being destroyed themselves. Titus 3:10 says “Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned.”

The sad fact of the matter is that this is a favorite tactic of the enemy simply because it works so well. We have warned the church before that the attack was coming, urged them to not partake and to stand their ground and yet stood by helpless as the leaven ran its course through the church. It is due to this fact alone that most churches do not see revival. We know of churches that were close to revival and when the leaven began and they started losing people, they immediately crawfished and withdrew from seeking it altogether, going so far as to tell their people to stop praying for revival.

Sadly the enemy never forgets you once you threaten him with revival. He knows that you may utter those words once again and he will not stop until you are destroyed or until he perverts you so thoroughly that you destroy those that God has in your care.

And so once we put our hand to the plow, we simply must not look back. For a church this means to push through the loss of people, the loss of revenue and the loss of friends until you see the revival happen as God had shown you. For revivalists and evangelists we must be ready to stand with churches in seeking revival for as long as they want us. When we are rejected, shake the dust off your feet and move on. The work hasn’t ended, only a chapter of it.

And finally for some of us, we will see the revival occur. And to them that see that, nothing outside of the day that you stand before your Lord will compare with the glory that you behold. You will have paid an awful price for it but the souls that are won to kingdom in the first day alone is more than a bargain, no matter how hard it was getting there.

Heart Check

So, I’m really not a big “smash sinners” guy. You know what they say about people who live in glass houses, how they probably shouldn’t vacuum naked and all. So this post isn’t about that. God gave us the cross because he knew we were basically going to suck and suck big-time. We all suck and fall short.

I wanted to write today about something that I’ve been circling in my study time regarding the inclinations of your heart.

Check out this bible verse in Romans:

“Moreover, because of the condition of your heart, hard and dry and unwilling to admit a change of mind; you are actually continually storing up the wrath that will be poured out on you in the day of wrath and the revelation of a righteous God.

Who will pour it out onto each person according to their deeds (the actions they take that prove the inclination of their hearts): to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life; but to those who are only interested in themselves and do not obey the truth that they’ve known, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation”.

Romans 2:5-8

Now that’s not behavioral therapy or a scare tactic. Here’s what it is saying; Look, don’t think that just because you’re doing all this mess and refusing to do right and the hammer hasn’t fallen yet that the hammer isn’t going to fall. God isn’t just looking at the mess you are doing, he’s looking at your heart that’s producing these messes.

If you care about him and want him to be pleased, you’ll do everything that you can to clean up what you’ve messed up and not continue in your mess. However, if the inclination of your heart is all about you and you don’t care what God thinks is right or wrong, look out because you can only do that so long before that stuff starts coming back on you.

Lots of folks like to pretend that they love God. What we actually do a lot of the time is we throw rocks and break windows then hide our hands behind our back like we didn’t do anything. Then we want to go to God and apologize in secret before there are consequences or before we have to actually remedy our behavior and make amends. We think it’s all about that instance of throwing the rock. You hurt people, lie, accuse, gossip, sleep around, drink, mess up and fall down again and then you want to go to church and act like a Christian because you asked God to forgive you secretly.

But God looks at not only the good or bad that we do, he looks at the inclination of your heart. You threw the rocks because you wanted to. You did what you did because you wanted to do it. And all the forgiveness of actions in the world does nothing for a self seeking and hard heart that wants its own way.

I’m not looking to throw shade here, I’m not. Man, I mess up all the time. Once I got my head clear though I discovered that my heart wanted something different, every single time. I don’t want to be jacked up, I don’t want to hurt people, I don’t want to be a ghost of myself. I let the enemy lie to me and throw rocks at me while he hid his hand behind his back and pointed at God. And when I accepted the lie that joker told there, it was an all out free for all of destruction in my life.

But once I turned my heart back to God, my heart changed. I didn’t want that stuff anymore and I didn’t want to hide anymore and I didn’t want the enemy that had humiliated me and embarrassed me to get any more glory. So, I check that heart. I want my life to line up with it. I want to fix what he’s destroyed and let Christ get some glory.

So quit running to God trying to get him to apply the White Out to your actions but ignoring your selfish heart that wants things that God doesn’t want. You’re a fake and you know it. You’ll never run away from it either, God isn’t going to let that slip. Take your heart to him, check your inclinations, fix your mess.

The Lazarus Generation


So, you want to be effective with Gen-X? If you were to gauge exactly who this demographic is and how to win them by the current efforts of the church, more than likely you would start some sort of hipster ministry. For instance, you could take out all titles and replace them with something more hip: Pastor would be out and in its place would be “Pathfinder” or even just “Dude”.

Or you could place religious symbols from as many faiths as you could around your “community space” and then use bean bags and couches to fill empty areas. Oh, and don’t forget your incense and your U2charist… the kids like those; they make them feel like spiritual…

Now, that is exactly the way that many people are going about ministry to Gen-X and Gen-Y. Granted most of the visible ministry to our generation is being done by ex-youth group leaders who are now all grown up and keeping church cool. I have to tell you though, had you tried to win me with any of that I may have tested your faith a bit.

You see, I come from a different group of Gen-X called the Lazarus Generation. We are called that because we are a dead generation that Christ is raising from the grave. Big deal, you say, I was dead as well…we all were. Yeah, that may be technically true but in comparison to the “Lazarus kind of dead” most people were really just“mostly dead” if I can quote Miracle Max from The Princess Bride.

The Lazarus Generation was “all dead” which generally is regarded as a hopeless case scenario where the only remaining option is going through their pockets for spare change.

You have to wonder why the enemy went after Lazarus in the word, don’t you? I mean, he wasn’t an apostle or prophet or pastor. He had not shown himself to be of any consequence whatsoever when the enemy killed him off. In fact, killing him only had one visible consequence: causing grief to Mary, Martha and Jesus. In the end, I believe that this was his intention from the start. He knew that he couldn’t hurt the Lord but he could certainly hurt those that he loved.

Today’s Lazarus Generation were also those that the enemy had specifically targeted to destroy because of who loved them. Most of those considered to be a part of the Lazarus Generation came from the homes of believers before they fell away. Somewhere between the empty religion, the hypocrisy and the system of politics in the church world, Lazarus had had enough and decided that the faith they grew up with was a fairy tale, like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and a winning baseball team in Pittsburgh.

And when they left, they left hard. Lazarus tried Satanism, eastern religion, Nordic mythology, atheism and pretty much anything else so long as it was not the religion that they grew up with. They never really doubted that God existed; they just doubted what everyone was saying about him. And they sinned in every way imaginable, hurt everyone around them and burnt bridges like it was going out of style. And somewhere, someone cried for them.

My mother used to tell me that the “hounds of heaven”were going to get me. I had no idea what that was but it was a bit freaky. Of course, she meant that the “hounds” were goodness and mercy and that they would follow me all the days of my life. And she was right of course because one day during a suicide attempt those hounds finally caught up to me. And I am so glad that they did.

But like the biblical Lazarus, most didn’t want to see me raised from the dead either. But Lord, by this time, he stinks can pretty much summarize the first few years of my new life. Shoot, some still say that about me to be honest. They knew that Lazarus was coming back with baggage and as cool as seeing him raised would be, they weren’t entirely sure that they actually wanted him back. I can recall vividly this one established Christian who after hearing that the notorious sinner (me) had gotten saved decided to take it to the Lord in prayer. As he did, power dropped him to his knees as the Lord revealed to him that I was really a Satanist and was pretending to be saved for some nefarious reason. Remember the whole “Lord, he stinks” thing above?

I think in part this has to do with the fact that getting yourself raised from the dead changes your perspective a bit. The Japanese used to talk about the state of euphoria that came with coming back from the brink of death. If someone intervened when they were about to commit seppuku, they described the feeling as being transcendent. Colors were brighter, the air was crisper all around them, and every movement had a delicate beauty that had previously gone unnoticed to them. Life had not really been lived up until that point and there could never be any going back.

How much more would this be the case after having been “all dead”? What would your perspective be like after landing on the other side and experiencing the total hopelessness of death? And then, suddenly in the dark, when all hope that you should ever be saved was taken away, a light suddenly breaks all around you and you hear your name being called down the corridors of eternity! And before you fully know what is happening, you are being violently ripped from the pits of hell, with demons grabbing at your feet and snapping their jaws at you as you take your place in the last place you ever expected to see again: the land of the living. How would that change your perspective?

What kind of conversation do you have with someone who has been raised from the dead? How would you convince them to go back into the very thing that killed them in the first place? How do you tell someone that is full of this ‘gratitude from the grave’ to sit down and just relax a bit? Guess what, you don’t, hero. From the moment that they come back from the grave, they will be a step off from everyone else. Believe me, this kind of thing can make normal people nervous around you to say the least.

I have personally experienced this over and over again through the years. A couple years ago, there was an apparent “error” in my ministry that was so grievous that it was compared by a well-known preacher to homosexuals praying before going out to talk to people about a God who loved gays. Sound extreme? The error was that we teach mixed martial arts (MMA) to men instead of teaching them to hold hands with each other and share their feelings and sing ‘kumbaya’.

This kind of thing is nothing new for me, I am sorry to say. At one time I had some 00 plugs in my ears and some other body piercings. So, of course there were those who took issue with me because I looked too much like “the world” for their tastes. Some still hate the fact that I have full tattoo sleeves on my arms. Some hate the fact that I preach while wearing steel toed boots. Some others think I should not have a shaved head (been told that, true story) and there are still some more who think that preachers should not have long facial hair.

But what these well-intending folks do not realize is that when I was saved the last thing that was on my mind was getting a new wardrobe so that I could fit in with the cutesy church people. All that I had, like Lazarus, were the grave clothes that I had on when I died. Add to this the new perspective that you gain from being raised from the dead and what you have is someone who doesn’t really care one way or the other what you think about them.

It doesn’t matter what some people think of our ministry techniques, what matters is what God thinks. It does not matter that we do not do things the way that you do them because we do them exactly the way that God has led us to. It doesn’t matter that we don’t preach in a way that you like because if you hate it, it probably is not for you.

No, in the end the only thing that you can do with the Lazarus Generation is the very thing that Jesus commanded them to do with the newly-raised Lazarus:“Loose him and let him go!” Just get us free, get out of our way and let us loose for some payback. Don’t try to control us, don’t try to understand and don’t try to change our thinking until it looks more like your own. Our mission is to monkey stomp the enemy and we will do it at any cost.

We that are the Lazarus Generation have something inside that is pushing us. It keeps us up at night with an insistent whisper that says that now is the time. If we don’t play nice, forgive us, we seem to have left our ability to play nice in the grave. If we don’t sound like everyone else, forgive us, we have a different perspective that is driving us. If what we say or do bothers you, by all means forgive us, dying and coming back seems to cause you to cut to the chase.

We may not agree about everything but believe me, we need you in the church and you need us as well. We need fathers and mothers who can keep us grounded and spare us from mistakes. You need someone unafraid to take this message where no one else cares to go. Together we have the potential to literally shake Hell and see millions come into the kingdom. At this moment in time God has chosen to raise something from the dead that was considered totally lost. And in so doing he has created a juggernaut of zeal that is ready to run to the battle. And we need you church. If you cannot understand, don’t try, just loose us and let us go

The (ab)normal Christian Life

Have you ever stopped the world for a second and taken a long, hard look at what we have become? I have, and what I have seen has shocked me to my core. You see, to conform inside of the Cult of Normal truly is the easiest thing in the world to accomplish, you just go along and get along. Members in good standing shouldn’t question anything that is happening; you just accept that if it appears to be “normal”, it must be right.

In order to break free from the Cult and see things as they really are, you must begin to question with boldness. And the only reason that anyone would have for truly starting to question what they see and feel and do is if they take a chance and contrast and compare what “normal” looks like.

This is true with much of life. A person who is third generation welfare considers this state of affairs to be truly normal. You live on food stamps and are never ashamed because that is what “everyone” does. To get disability when you turn 18 is normal, to equate having babies with a larger check is normal. And to get these people off of the entitlement system is proving to be almost impossible, because why should you go to work and lose the free money, free healthcare and all of the benefits that are gained from your dependence on the system?

In order to free their mind from their perception of normal, you would have to immerse them in a completely different normal and let them learn to begin to see things with a fresh perspective. Sadly, for most who are trapped in a faulty worldview, the only world that they see is the one that has helped define what normal is for them and they can never truly break free from it.

For us as Christians, the journey must start with canceling our subscription to today’s normal Christianity and stopping that world completely in order to take a fresh, clean inventory of all that it is and has become.

Let’s begin this with some very simple questions: what was “normal” to the first church? I said the first church here and not Jesus because it becomes too easy for most people to disbelieve things when it comes to Jesus himself. You want to chock it up to His divine nature, supernatural power and sinless life. So for most people, being like Jesus is nigh impossible and so what He would consider to be normal is too far out for you to start to comprehend, much less empathize with.

So let’s talk about what “normal” looked like in the first church.

1. They continued steadfast in the Apostle’s doctrine and fellowship, and in the breaking of bread and prayers. Acts 2:42
2. All that believed were together and had all things common. Acts 2:44
3. They sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. Acts 2:45
4. They continued daily in one accord in the temple and breaking bread from house to house and ate their meat with gladness and singleness of heart. Acts 2:46
5. The world expected miracles when they were around the Church. Acts 5: 12-16
6. They were imprisoned for their faith. Acts 5: 17-19, Acts 8:3, Acts 12:4, Acts 16:23
7. They were martyred for their faith. Acts 7:59, Acts 9:1, Acts 12:1-2

Now, let’s contrast and compare the original church with today’s version in America.

1. They follow many different teachers, all teaching something different. You have fellowship with close friends but little with the Church as a whole. Corporate prayer is nearly lost.
2. All that believe are separated by thousands of denominational groups and are expected to fend for themselves. Pentecostal handshakes and care for our own has nearly vanished in practice among today’s churches.
3. We give approximately 2.3% of our paychecks to the church, most of that going to uber ministries and not a local body. No one would dream of selling all that they had and giving it to the church.
4. We generally don’t visit the Church building daily. You attend service on Sundays, it must start at a certain time and finish at a reasonable time and if you are a fanatic, you attend a mid-week service as well. We don’t go around breaking bread from house to house as our private life and church life rarely intersect. We don’t really know what singleness of heart even means.
5. At best, the world expects bigotry, close-mindedness and intolerance when they are around the church. At worst, the world expects scandal and hypocrisy when they are around the church. Very few are convicted of their need for a savior or expect miracles.
6. Not in America, with few exceptions.
7. Again, not in America, with few exceptions.

As you can see, when we begin to contrast and compare what is considered to be normal, there is a wide gulf between experiences. Most will shrug this off as idealistic and simplistic, feeling that due to the age that the first church was occurring and the very nature of society at that time, a comparison would not really be fair to us today.

But we are not talking about society; we are talking about what is considered to be normal. The only way that you should expect output to change is if method and industry were to change. If method and industry remain the same, output would also remain the same. Because method and industry are internal mechanics and outward circumstances can only affect those if they are allowed to.

For instance, a winery that uses the same fields, the same methods of care and harvest and the same storage methods would be expected to produce a consistent product, that product would be considered to be normal for that winery. If on the other hand, the winery changes its fields, methods and storage facilities in order to keep up with the times or the demands of its consumer base, then the product must necessarily change as well. And what would be considered to be normal for that winery would therefore change and its output would be considered to now be inconsistent.

Somewhere deep inside of us, we know this inherently. Having been raised in a plastic world full of substitutes and alternatives, meant to streamline the process and mass-produce product in the name of convenience, we hunger for the real thing.

If you have ever tasted the difference between an organic tomato and one that is raised year-round in a gas filled chamber, there is no comparison. A pineapple picked directly off of the tree is miles removed from one that has been cold-packed and shipped 3,000 miles. The taste of an organic free-range chicken is totally different than the sad product generated from the tragedy of modern processing plants. And on and on it goes; real butter from a churn does not taste anything like “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!”

And real Christianity tastes nothing like the genetically altered mass-produced and sterilized version that is foisted on us today.

There is a movement going on in the world today, particularly here in America. We are fed up with the substitutes and something deep inside of us desires the real thing now. We are tired of apartment buildings and cities full of traffic and pollution, we are fed-up with working for a corporation that pays us wages that are equally divided up between the government and other corporations, leaving us with little to nothing of our own.

We buy our food from corporations, spend our leisure time watching a corporate product or using one. We are constantly being bombarded with corporate slogans and offerings. And in the end, as we lay in a corporate bed with corporate covers, watching a corporate commercial, we know that something has gone terribly wrong and we are just not satisfied anymore.

Many of us dream of wide-open spaces and dirt between our toes, raising our own food and placing our own fences for our livestock. We secretly desire to escape to a place where we can raise our families without government or corporate intervention. We want to taste real meat and real vegetables and never again ingest sugar-filled substitutes that we suspect are killing all of us in inches.

But to do that seems too hard for many of us and so we content ourselves with buying something that claims to be organic at Wal-Mart or recycling our plastic bags or wearing a hemp necklace or wool socks. We know that something is wrong in our churches as well, it just feels- wrong somehow. You suspect that what is considered to be church in the 21st century is just another cheap knock-off, a substitute that has been genetically altered so that it can be mass produced for a greedy public.

Real salvation is too hard, try Salvation-Lite! It looks like the real thing but it is easily affordable even for the person willing to pay almost nothing! You can now be a Christian, fill your religion needs and not have to do anything for it at all, don’t change a thing!

You can choose the Church of your choice based on the Pastor’s style, the worship experience, its Children’s Church facilities. I tell you, a world of choices await you out here in the Cult of Normal, individually prepared and packaged for your convenience. If you tire of the product, why just switch, it’s all here for you!

Does it taste like the real thing? Sure it does, all you have to do is change the definitions of the words a little, based on today’s standards and voila, you are experiencing the same product as the first church. Salvation means either belonging to a church or praying a prayer. If you have done one of those things (based on your personal preference, of course) then you are as saved as Peter. Repentance means feeling sorry after you have been caught. Have you ever felt sorry after you have been caught doing something? Then you have repented, just like Paul.

The power of God? Why that is either a feeling of peace, a shiver you feel or being transported to the Third Heaven, as you like. Miracles? Well, life is a miracle after all, isn’t it? We are all surrounded by a thousand little miracles every single day here in the cult of Normal. Fellowship is simply having some friends and unity is when you are all getting along. Evangelism is suggesting that someone come to a church service with you and holiness is best seen through the lens of grace because no one is perfect, right?

And though all of this is considered to be normal and though the spin masters have tried to sell us on the idea that what we have is what they had back then, we all know in our hearts that it is a lie. That Christianity has been imitated and duplicated and sold to us in such a way that all of us can look like we have something that we know we really don’t.

I used to say in church that if we were to have a Jesus altar call, no one would answer it. For him, it was “Come and take up your cross and follow me”, “Sell all your goods and distribute to the poor”, etc. And I would juxtapose this with today’s Christianity-Lite pitch that tells you that if you raise your hand in the air with no one else looking and repeat a prayer under your breath that the whole room is praying, you too can be saved.

Now I understand that it is deeper than just the methods employed, it is a matter of value.

Pleather was created for the clothing and upholstery fields, a cheap mass-produced leather substitute that allowed you to have the feel and look of real leather, at a fraction of the cost. And today’s Christianity is nothing more than spiritual pleather, which looks good from a distance but could never really be confused with the real thing. The reason that it couldn’t comes down to value.

Nate Saint, who was martyred by the Auca Indians in Ecuador in the 1950’s said “People who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives… and when the bubble has burst, they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted”. The question for Nate came down to value. How could something spent in service to Christ ever be considered to be a waste when the value of obtaining Christ was so much greater than the value of what was being spent for it?

When I contrasted Jesus’ altar calls with modern ones, I thought that the difference lay in the process but I was wrong. The difference lay completely in the perception of the value of the item gained.

The merchant who discovered the pearl of great price went immediately and sold all that he had to obtain it. The reason that he did that was because the value of the pearl that he had discovered was worth far more than what he had to give in trade for it. All that he had and all that he had acquired up to that point in his life was worth less than the value of the pearl that he had found.

No doubt, had he discovered a cultured pearl as he was shopping, he would have been willing to give far less in trade for it. The value of that which was obtained determines the cost that is to be assigned to it.

And we have mass produced Christianity and cheapened it to the point that the only thing that it is worth in trade is the potential embarrassment of repeating a silly prayer in public and an hour of your time on Sunday at the church of your choice. Our salvation that is offered is pain-free, cost-free and hassle-free not because of what someone would be willing to pay for a genuine item of great value but because we assign very little value to it ourselves.

We bought a whole string of cultured pearls at little to no cost and what fool isn’t interested in getting something for nothing? If you can live blessed, happy, forgiven and carry diplomatic immunity in regards to sins that you commit and on top of all of this, have eternal life too and pay exactly nothing for it, I mean, who wouldn’t want that? It looks like pearls, feels sort of like them too, all at a fraction of the cost. Why would you need the genuine article, which is so costly when you can have the exact same thing for next to nothing?

Spiritual pleather- as good as the real thing and at a price you can afford!

We all like something for nothing, friends, but here is the problem, your pearl is a fraud. And you know that it is, why else would you attempt to hawk something of infinite value as a blue-light special? Why would you cheapen it and give it away at bargain basement prices to whoever comes down the street if it weren’t for the fact that you ascribe no value to it yourself? You got yours for nothing and ascribe exactly that value to it yourself. Because what they sold us was a lie, a cleverly marketed spiritual pleather that they spun out of whole cloth.

And you know it and I know it.

This is why the normal of today is so different than the normal of the first church; we aren’t talking about the same item. The pearl that they could gain was so precious that giving up all of your goods to give to the poor was nothing in comparison to what they got. To have all things common and make sure that everyone in the church had enough, that is a bargain! To die a martyr’s death and receive a Crown of Life or be imprisoned for your faith were of such small cost when compared to the Excellency of Christ and knowing Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings that they gladly paid it in exchange.

In the Moravian church, they were willing to accept insult and injury and risk their lives for the sake of Christ and spread the Gospel all over the world.

In the Reformation, they were willing to be burned at the stake by people claiming to know God because it was worth it.

All throughout history, people have discovered the pearl for themselves and the awful prices that they paid in exchange for receiving it paled in comparison to what they got. But here, today, no one wants your pleather Jesus and no one is willing to pay a dear price for it, not because He is any less worthy but because you see no value in him yourself. And though you may get offended at my saying this, check the value you place on Him, dear heart, you will see that I am right.

How can we ever have a return to normal if we don’t even understand the value of Him?

You get what you pay for, don’t you?

What does God say that salvation should mean and how much are you willing to give in trade for that?

What miracles are they that Christ says that we are to expect and what are you willing to give to see them?

What does the Word say that deliverance, freedom from sin, holiness, the presence and power of the Holy Spirit, evangelism, fellowship, unity, healing, peace, love and joy and true community all look like both in the Scripture and in the past lives of those who have attained them and told us of their wondrous power and what exactly are you willing to pay to see them for yourself?

The state that we live in of continual disappointment and spiritual excuses for why we don’t see more is a direct result of our unwillingness to pay for it. In fact, climbing up onto your cross willingly is the first step that is required of you. And the refining process continues until He receives you to Himself. We must give up our sins, our self-importance, our pride, our goods and our ties to the world, our virtues, our strengths and our identity to Him in fair trade for the privilege of seeing who He is.

“But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith. That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.” Philippians 3: 7-11

Some will no doubt claim that there is no price to pay but these are they, which paid nothing for what they got and are desperate to claim it as the genuine article. Jesus paid it all, they say and to this I say, “all to Him I owe”. There is a price to escape the Cult of Normal and there is still a precious value in the Blood of the Lamb.

It costs everything you are, everything that you have and everything that you will ever have and I can’t think of a better deal. There is something about this Jesus, that when you see Him as He is, when you look into His eyes and see the tenderness and care, nothing is too great of a price to stay there.

So, attention please, all you preachers and pastors, prophets and pimps, you teachers and intellectuals and liberals and conservatives. Listen up you mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, friends and relatives, spouses, lovers and acquaintances, you bosses and co-workers, you sons and you daughters. Everyone, please, if I could get your attention; would you please stop the bus, I’d like to get off.

I don’t like where you’ve taken me and don’t like where you are going. I am sick of the smell in here and I feel like I need to stretch. I see something else out there, out past the finger-smeared window in front of me. I see a vast horizon and an adventure that is waiting to happen. I see freedom of movement, away from my seat and the restricted way that I am forced to endure these cramped conditions like I was just meat being taken to market.
I see freedom out there for my head and my feet, for my heart and my lungs and I simply cannot take this guided tour of the make-believe movie of someone else’s freedom anymore.

I have got to go now and see what is out there for myself. Somewhere, out there, outside of these confines that you have laid out for me, I see a twinkle in the dirt, the light has caught on something and though I don’t see it clearly yet, my heart is stuck in my throat at the thought of what it could be buried out there, undiscovered.

I have a pearl to attain and I know that it will cost me all that I know and maybe it will cost me my relationships with all of you on this bus. It will cost me everything and I don’t really know what life will look like out there but I have heard of it, as a whisper in my spirit, God has told me that it is worth the cost.

So stop the bus, I don’t want your normal anymore, I have a pearl to gain.

Effectual Prayer

I believe God answers prayer, answers always, everywhere;

I may cast my anxious care,

burdens I could never bear,

On the God who heareth prayer.

Never need my soul despair

since He bids me boldly dare

to the secret place repair,

there to prove He answers prayer.

So it has been a few months now that God has had me in the deep end.

There have been seasons in the past where I felt led to “live by faith” just as there have been seasons that I knew I should be working a secular job. To ‘live by faith’ is an old school revival church term for trusting God for provision rather than work a job. You can believe in doing it, don’t believe in doing it, I’m not taking this space to debate that. It’s Biblical, there is no doubt about that. In an age absolutely lost and compromised with the World System, it’s also nearly nonexistent; we are far more comfortable feigning faith while providing for ourselves and almost no one knows anything about prayer or even genuine procuring faith for that matter.

In those times that he had me walk by faith in regards to my supply, it was a huge learning curve. I failed. A lot. I would pray out of anxiety or fear, I would carry doubt around, I would pray based on need, a million mistakes, just a million.

But how many of you know that just because you obey God in the path that you take, that is no guarantee of constant victory? We all have to learn and sometimes it is the losing that teaches us. Selah.

Well, a few months ago I felt him leading me to pray everything in.

My heart sank.

This time though, he upped the ante on me. I felt like I was to tell no one of my needs, big need or small needs, I couldn’t tell anyone anything.

My initial reaction wasn’t pleasant. Due to being in the midst of the worst hell of my life, the trust just wasn’t there, he wasn’t leading me to do this as ‘God’s man of faith and power’, he was leading me to do this as a broken man that had everything stolen from him by the enemy and was only recently clean from daily extreme alcohol abuse and CPTSD. My faith level was nil. I thought I was doing quite well never touching booze and reading my Word and talking at him. He seemed to disagree.

So I began to keep a journal of my needs and wants, the issues that I needed clarity on, the future, that sort of thing. I began from the beginning (which is usually preferable to beginning at the last ending) and told God that I didn’t know how to pray, even after 26 years of ministry. I knew some form of it, I had seen sporadic results over the years.

Sometimes I could explain those results away though – I hinted, I manipulated, I somehow did something to help poor God answer me. Shoot, I would sometimes do the entire thing on my own and then give Him credit for it! You know the drill, man, you’re like, “I prayed and applied for work and God gave me this job that I work at for 40-60 hours per week and I get a paycheck for those hours and I just want to thank God for giving me this job so’s I can pay my bills”. Then how are you different from the sinner next to you that did the exact same thing? Anyway…

I admitted that I didn’t really know what I was doing. My knowledge of prayer theory was encyclopedic, my quotations vast, my confidence in it, not so much. So I started from nothing, no teachings, no presumptions. I went to the Word and dug out everything that it said about the subject and stood those alone. After studying them, I came to ironclad determinations as to their intended lessons. Then I found some writings from men in history that had proven track records in prayer, no one and nothing modern. I then took what they had written and contrasted and compared it with what I had seen in the Word.

Le boom. 💥

I had myself some fully formed unproven theories, by George. Rock meet bottom.

I began with food.

Yeah, you heard me, food.

I had a box or two of Ramen in an otherwise empty cupboard. I sat on a lawn chair. Please understand that I have preached before thousands, I know huge people in the Jesus industry. Ramen and a lawn chair, yep. Anyway, I was down to 172 pounds and went to God because I felt like I was starving to death on Ramen. No calories, no nutrients. I try to be Vegan when I can afford it but Noodlan is not recommended for your general health and well being.

My prayer and its corresponding confession was simple, ‘God send me some meat’. Remember, I can’t tell anyone a need or even hint- a few hours later someone stopped by that had a few extra brisket sandwiches and felt like they might be enjoyed.

This isn’t the parting of the Red Sea but it was a genuine answer to prayer and therefore, a miracle. That brisket sandwich changed everything. Ha! What a statement, right? Some of you might be thinking that it isn’t a big deal, you work and can eat what you want. That’s true but so could the Israelites that were in bondage in Egypt. You buy whatever kind of sandwich you want and thank God (ish) for it, I know. Yet you can’t pray, your Pastor can’t pray and if you had to pray to get food, telling no one, you might starve. What will you do when things crash and you can’t work or buy it? Anyway.

The miraculous supply of meat was a turning point for me. I began going after my daily bread in earnest, laying out shopping items and praying for wisdom in how to prepare the meals. I still have to pray food in daily but there is faith there now.

I have used that initial experience in every other area of life as well. From bills to money needed for necessities and non-essentials. I am still learning and utterly dependent on him for everything, I suppose I always will be in both regards. I am excited for prayer now everyday, I am learning about my Father and his Christ and each instance of answered prayer builds my faith higher and higher.

I’ve kept up with my prayer journal and mark down when I’ve asked for a thing and when the answer came. I won’t post what those items are or have been but just the numbers for you.

Remember this is no work besides preaching, teaching bible studies, counseling. In any of those activities, I never ask for money. It is also without telling anyone a single need, just taking it to God in prayer.

December: 9/11 major items answered. The two are large items, I rolled them over to January.

January: 9/12 major items. This includes the two that were rolled over from December that I am still thanking him for.

Keep in mind, these aren’t small items, each one is a miracle. Yet even the items that I don’t mark down are incredible miracles too. I just haven’t taken the time to put every single thing down. Also remember that this is about as far from bragging as you can get, I want you to be encouraged that God really does answer prayer, even in extreme circumstances.

If you need me to pray for you or if you want discipled in this area, do not hesitate to get ahold of me.

Much love. Blessings.


Beautifully Broken.

I have been doing ministry for a time, always out on the ragged edge of things. And even after all of these years I find myself wondering why God would save and call an old skinhead and gutterpunk.

As I sit here and write this, I am restless. I actually loathe the thought of another speaking date. Don’t get me wrong – good things always happen. I will preach hard and to the point. I will not dodge issues and I will speak in the vernacular of my day.

I will dress without a facade and force people to see God beyond the exterior. I will play the role of a novelty and try my best to allow something positive to happen. People will be saved and delivered from demonic strongholds and to me, none of it will be enough.

Because even on those rare occasions when the sermon that God gives me is revolutionary in scope and substance, even when people flood the altar and repent, I still retire to whatever room I have and lament the entire event. Because no matter how well I may “perform”, no matter how strong the message seems to be, I know it is partly due to intellect, partly due to street smarts, part marketing and a part God’s Spirit. How can that ever be enough?

The weight of the ministry is at times oppressive. I feel the weight of my speaking to these crowds that are nameless and faceless to me. I know that God wants to intervene in their lives and that so much may be riding on God’s being able to use what I say and do as a catalyst for change. And I fear that I will fail in my task because of there being too much of me in the equation.

Something has transpired in me over these past years that doesn’t allow me to take the ministry in a cavalier way. I know that somewhere out there, just beyond my grasp is the light switch. In every event, every innocent meeting, the “forever change” potentially waits for the people that I come into contact with. That the possibility exists that somehow God could use this ugly vessel to produce a radical shift in someone’s accustomed paradigm that could affect the rest of his or her life.

And I know that it’s not me. And it is nothing that I know, nor any skill I possess. My cleverness cannot produce this forever change. And I cannot afford to write it off as some sovereign work of God that is simply beyond me, a divine comic lottery, if you will. There is a method to God’s seeming madness at all times, even (or especially) when His will makes no clear sense to us.

I am terrified of speaking well and manipulating people’s emotions in some way that I had predetermined that they should go. I am distressed at the thought that I am a factor in this ministry at all. I wish above all things that people would just say that God shows up at my meetings. I do not wish to be known for my intellect, my cutting style, my dress or my caustic sense of humor. I wish they would just see Jesus. But I am not equal to that task. And I wish more than anything that that fact were not so. I fall so short of the mark in so many areas; I am the perfect example of the wrong person for the job.

I choose to live on the edge and so the position of the tenuous and slippery hold is almost commonplace. If I were like many of the preachers that I know, I would simply shut up, play the game and prosper. I see so many of them do just that. It regularly pains me to see my family go without when with just a small amount of what I would call compromise they would be just fine. But I seem to live my life along the lines of Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken.

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for what this life of faith has done for me. There have been times when my life was threatened when the years of faith paid off. I have had people sit on the front row during sermons of mine and show me the gun they had hidden between their legs. I do not know much but I know that the same person who did that was on their face the next night at the altar, completely overwhelmed by God’s love.

A part of my preparation for that moment happened during the times we prayed in dinner or rent. We live on the edge of disaster all of the time. People come and go in our lives. Promises are made and broken regularly. We sit on the verge of having nothing and losing what little we do have. But in all of that, one thing never changes; we know by practical experience that God is faithful.

And this is why I continue despite everything that happens. I am not the right choice for the job; I know there is someone out there who can do what I do better than me. But God’s love compels me. When I want to quit and start a business, when people desert us and forget us, when disaster looms ahead and there is no hope in sight, I still cannot quit. Because I remember when, despite all of my faults, God showed mercy. I remember when the answer came when all hope was lost. And I remember the joy at rediscovering the faithfulness of God when all else had failed. And so, I continue to be God’s fool.

I preach in some very large churches but never do I try and clean up to be able to speak at those “big churches”; I would rather hug the AIDS patient or befriend the runaway teen that is forgotten. I would rather live with nothing and know the joy of God’s provision in the midst of impossible odds than compromise and never experience him that way. It is just God and us alone most of the time. Funny how easily people turn away from you when you have nothing and they have nothing to gain from you. We have learned from vast experience that you can count on no one except God. I will fail you or offend you at some point. I will do wrong and you will walk away. But when that happens, I look around and find the Father smiling at me.

There have been times when we have had to go to the local churches and ask about the possibility of using their church for two hours on Sunday afternoons. When I approached one local pastor with the question, he put the religious 20 questions to me like he was Torquemada. Before I could use his building for a two-hour slot on Sundays he had to know who I was, what credentials I carried, my education, my thoughts on everything from predestination to the Apostles Creed. I started off answering his questions politely but I very quickly grew tired of them. Finally, I had to stop the inquisition and speak frankly.

I said, “Pastor, you want to know who I am? Let me tell you. I am a failure. I have been a liar, a cheat, a conman, a criminal, a squatting gutterpunk for years and a violent racist. I am the epitome of wasted potential. I was locked up in juvenile hall for a large part of my teenage years. I have a verified I.Q. of 153… And yet the last full year of regular school that I attended was the seventh grade. I taught myself everything that I knew. I grew up as true white trash; my family lived in trailers my entire life. We were on welfare or low paying jobs most of the time and I shopped for school clothes at the Salvation Army. I was a runaway and a vagrant. I could have been a great doctor or a lawyer, perhaps. If the plan would have worked out differently maybe I would have had a rich family that helped me.

But I lived on the streets from the time I was twelve. I saw a friend shot dead beside me and a girlfriend shot in the face in a drive-by shooting when I was a teenager. I had a seventeen-year-old friend die of AIDS as I watched. There have been at least 4 serious attempts on my life and I carry the scars to prove it. I have woken up in the middle of the night with a gang member’s pistol shoved in my mouth. So, I am by all normal estimates in this society and in this modern church- a failure and a dreg.

But when I was 19, Jesus intervened in my life during a suicide attempt. I crawled bloody out of a cold bathtub and sobbed naked on the floor asking him for help. And he changed my life. I may not be able to show you something that will make you feel that I am qualified; I may not have the backing of a major denomination that is well respected and safe. I have none of the qualities that people like you look for in a tame spiritual leader. I did not grow up like Ned Flanders, safe and secure in my wonderful home. It took me over twenty years to start to pursue my Masters because I spent no time in Bible School when i was first saved – I was too busy being a street preacher, reaching out to those that no one else cares for because there is no money in them. All that I have to qualify me is Christ in me. And that may not be much to someone like you but for someone like me, it is everything.”

The simple and elusive fact to many is that God loves the outcast. He loves the second-rate and the counted out. He seems to embrace those of us with nothing to show for years that we wasted on the world. When you look in the eyes of someone not worth your time, someone dying or poor, the obvious welfare mother at the store or the bum on the library steps, you are seeing Jesus stare back at you. When you stand next to the alcoholic who smells of urine and booze or the criminal Christian, who has failed even after salvation, you stand shoulder to shoulder with the Messiah’s heart. I am not the best man for the job and yet God chooses to use me. And that makes some people very angry. I leave them, who are way more qualified than I, without excuse. I live my life in joyful abandon because when the lights dim and the music is over, when the crowd is gone and the only sound is my own breathing, all that I have is God.

I can say with some pride that I am a fool and deserve to lose it all for foolishly trusting in God. But that trust that God will provide is my joy and that abandon is my identity. And He gave that to me, me the outcast, me the failure and liar and cheat. He looked on me in my worst possible moments, during the times I am most ashamed of and still he loved me. And if he loved me then, at that place and that time, how could he think less of me now?

What a mighty and amazing God we serve! I feel his presence so strong even as I write this. Yes, you too are a failure and a hypocrite. Yes, you could be better than what you are. But God called you as you were and you need to remember that when everyone around you reminds you of all that you are not.

He didn’t call you because you were the best or the brightest. He didn’t call you because of your morals or your strengths. God called you because of your failings and your shortcomings. He chose you because you are a fool and He loves to make purses out of sow’s ears. So many of us are deceived into thinking that it is what we don’t do or what we overcome that gives us our testimony. But your weakness is your testimony, not your strengths.

I may never be a success in the church’s eyes. Those who hate me may get to laugh as I fail. But I am thrilled at the ride. I am addicted to my hero, Jehovah Jireh. I know that life is no fun without danger and a man or woman needs no savior when there is no threat. And I have a hero who excels in the role. He lives for it, in fact. Because even though the one he rescues is dirty and discarded, used and abandoned, he is by nature the Savior.

And in the end we have but one job, you and I. And although we may wish that the job were to save the world or cause revival fires to spread over the entire planet, it is far more simple than that.

We are called to be beautifully broken in his wonderful hands.